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Important Reminders before Contacting an Ex-Boyfriend

Last updated on June 12, 2021

If you have recently broken up with your boyfriend, and are desperately missing him, then there are a few things you need to think about before you contact him again. Yes, you’re probably sure about how much you love him, but you must be careful before doing the first step.

If he was the one to end the relationship, and this happened very recently, then you are probably the last person he wants to talk to right now. Regardless of what his reasons were, he made his decision and you need to be a mature, responsible woman and accept that the relationship is now over.

This might sound harsh, but for the first month or two at least, it is the best option. Contacting him shortly after the break up, when you are upset and he is likely to be struggling with his own emotions too, is never going to be a good idea.

Instead, avoid contacting him for several weeks. This will give you time to get over the initial shock and for your heart to begin healing, and for him to start realising that maybe he misses having you in his life. It is important to allow time for this to happen – contacting him too early will simply convince him that he made the right decision when he chose to end the relationship.

When you contact him, it is probably best to make a phone call at first. This means that you have the chance to speak to him and see how you react to hearing his voice again, without risking embarrassment in public, if you break down and start crying afterwards.

Ideally, you should sound calm and mature when you speak to him on the phone; being overly emotional will not help your chances of getting back together. Ask him if the two of you can meet up, perhaps for a drink. If he doesn’t answer the phone, then it is fine to leave him a message.

If he is interested in speaking to you again, whether or not he would consider getting back together, then he will call you back. If you leave him a message and he doesn’t respond, then you may need to consider whether getting back together really is a feasible option.

If he does agree to meet you, then at some point it would be a good idea to discuss your relationship and what went wrong. You don’t have to do this the first time you meet again (in fact, it would be better if you didn’t), but this will enable you to find out the reasons why he ended the relationship.

He may have simply felt that the romance had faded and both of you had become bored, in which case giving it another go could be for the best. You would both need to work at maintaining the excitement though, if you were serious about staying together second time around.

However, if he felt that the two of you were no longer compatible, then listen to him and find out why. If you still want to get back together, consider what you would need to change in order to do this, and whether it is something you are prepared to do.